My experience in special ed as a former special education student

i.                  Paraprofessional

ii.               Unnecessary and excessive segregation

iii.           Denied a voice in your own education

iv.             Issues ignored

v.                Stupid policies in special education

vi.             Riding the school bus

vii.         Being held to lower standards

I went to New York City public schools and was in special ed since kindergarten till 10th grade. I spent kindergarten till 10th grade in a full time, separate self-contained class. My disability category has always been specific learning disability, according to my IEP. According to my mom, the reason they initially put me in special ed is because I was weak, did not follow directions (they had to tell me 10 times to open the book before I did) and they'd thought I'd never be able to write due to poor motor skills. The school told my mom it was easier to work with me in special ed.

i.                  Paraprofessional

In 6th grade my new middle school mistakenly put me in a class for multiply disabled children. Everyone in my 5th grade class got a letter saying what middle school they will be going to. I didn't so on the 1st day of school my dad wrote an email to the Department of Education and they said to go to XYZ school. Since XYZ school didn’t have my records, they mistakenly put me in a class for multiply disabled children (read more about this in section 4 iv "issues ignored"). I was learning the same stuff I learned in 2nd grade. One time the teacher said we were going to learn tally marks and I replied "I learned that in 2nd grade" and promptly explained what tally marks were. Fortunately, the school quickly realized this mistake and put me in special ed class for kids learning the state curriculum.

I was also given a full time paraprofessional, which I never had before. In 10th grade they finally put me in general ed (after being excessively segregated for 10 years), but I still had a para. I didn't need a para at that point, and didn't say anything. At the end of the year, I asked my mom to remove the para, then begging her all summer to remove the para (after she said she might forget). Then in the beginning of the year I asked my mom to write a letter asking the school to remove the para. The school called my mom asking if it is her or me who wants the para removed. My mother either answered honestly or the school pressured her to answer "yes". I protested having a para by refusing to do work (luckily I graduated in August on time). During my senior year (18 years old), we went to the computer room 2 times a week to do a reading program. Since the program was easy for me, I would finish early and then do other stuff on the computer. Since the principal came to observe, I only did this reading program. I was calm and behaved myself. I always behaved myself in that class, but the principal came to observe, so I must be EXTRA well behaved. The next day in the computer lab my para sat next to me. The principal asked why she wasn't sitting next to me, even though I was doing fine on my own. Later during my senior year my senior year, my last class teacher was absent, so everyone went home because it was the last class. I too went home while my para went to the bathroom. Then the next day my friends asked me "Where were you? Ms. ZZZ was looking for you." Then my para told me I was supposed to wait for her to come back to tell her I was leaving, because she is responsible for me and will be in trouble if something happened to me (I was 18). You can argue I shouldn’t have left. But if my classmates were allowed to leave without telling anyone, why shouldn’t I be? Why should I be treated differently because I have a para? During the last day of school, every senior was free to move out and about, while I had to be with my para. I was being treated different than every single senior in the school and had to follow rules no one else had to follow.

When the para was absent, I would receive a substitute. However, there were 2 occasions during my junior year when the para was absent and I slipped through the cracks and had no substitute. I did fine on my own. In fact, on one of those days, a lady from the special ed office at our school came to my class. She saw I had no substitute. There were substitutes available, but she didn't get me one. That's because I was doing fine on my own. During the end of my sophomore year there was an annual IEP meeting where my mom mentioned I wanted the para removed. An IEP member responded "the para is there to protect her in case she says something inappropriate" and then went on to say the para is USUALLY not needed, but if a situation arises where I say something inappropriate and everyone starts laughing at me, the para is there to protect me under these circumstances. That situation never happened. But this was said. This is high school, kids say inappropriate stuff all the time.

My paras have also broken the rules. NYC gives out a survey annually to parents, teachers and students in grades 6-12. In 10^th grade I took a survey in the school’s computer lab and there was a question that asked " Discipline in my school is fair" and we could either select "strongly agree" "agree" "disagree" "strongly disagree". I picked "agree", but my para insisted I pick "strongly agree". She sat right next to me. They aren't allowed to influence your answers, but they don't care about breaking the rules. Something similar happened in 11^th grade. Our English teacher said unless you vehemently disagree, to just put strongly agree, or they will close down the school. In 12^th grade my teacher said "they want you to promote the school but just be honest." The purpose of the survey is so school administrators can improve our school, not to make our school look good.

In 8th grade my para suggested I stay an extra year (I guess for maturity purposes and because of the issues I had). She talked about a previous student who was already an adult and said she said hi to him on the street. We'll refer to him as " S." She said S stayed an extra year and suggested I do to. I objected to this, but even if I didn't, this would have been a horrible idea.

PARA: "S. stayed an extra year"

ME: "Did he do 9th grade work"

PARA: "Yea! S. was smart".

I didn't ask if S was smart. I asked if he repeated the same work or did work below 9th grade level. I don't know why the para said this. 1. Repeating an extra year doesn't means my issues will be resolved. It means JUST repeating an extra year and delaying graduation. 2. This school isn't what you would call a good school. There was a riot in the hallway every single day, every period. Kids running on top of each other. I'm not even exaggerating. The deans did nothing about it but yell. The teaching quality sucked. I don't know why the para thought staying in this environment (with no plan on how they are going to fix my issues) is going to help me.

My mom even said that my para asked if she could come with me to high school, but the DOE said no. Good. The para should be in trouble for saying this, because that's what would happen in most districts. I don't know if the para got in trouble/ reprimanded for saying this.

ii.               Unnecessary and excessive segregation

I was unnecessarily and excessively segregated. They put me in special ed full time in kindergarten, and I was in a separate class full time until 10^th grade with not once an opportunity to interact with "non-disabled" children. If I was in another part of the country, there would probably be a plan during what times of the day I would be in general ed and during what times of the day I would be in a self-contained class. But I was in special ed full time until 10^th grade. My mom said they wanted to put me in general ed in 6th grade but were afraid other kids would bully me. What kind of excuse is that?  In 9th grade they wrote on my tri-annual re-evaluation, a self-contained class "This placement may be too restrictive for Anna at this time". There is no "may be". It either is or it isn't. Than in 9^th grade they called my mom to ask if they can put me in general ed, and thankfully my mom said yes. But federal law requires disabled kids to be educated in the least restrictive environment. They're essentially asking my mom "can you give us permission not to break federal law?" What if my mom said no (which fortunately wasn't the case)? The school would be breaking federal law then. They should have put me in general ed along time ago.

I was also segregated for gym. In 6^th grade, most of my class did NOT receive adapted physical education. Adapted physical education (APE) is modified gym for kids with disabilities. My class had 12 students. Only 3 of us received APE. By 8^th grade 2 of those students left so I was the only one in my class going to APE. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I had gym with the multiple disabled class. On Fridays I was there by myself. At times I would I would spend the whole period (after the warm ups) throwing a basketball into this Fisher Price basketball hoop.

The basketball hoop wasn’t that much taller than me and was too close to me. I would be tossing a ball there over and over again (note I said tossing, not shooting). It was incredibly boring. There was either one or two students with me or I was there alone with my gym teacher and my para sitting and watching. In fact, one of my IEP goals was "Anna will be able to catch a medium size ball using both hands." My gym teacher would always encourage me to catch the basketball or volleyball with both hands, because I used just my right hand. Why does it matter? Why is this even an IEP goal in the 8^th grade? But the worst part was when everyone went to regular gym and I went to a gym for special ed kids. Honestly, I should not have been receiving APE at that point, despite not being athletically inclined. All of that could have been prevented with oversight from the DOE.

In fact, I did tell my parents I wanted to be in general ed. My dad went to the parent teacher conference and brought this up. The teacher mentioned a Collaborative Team Teaching class (mixed class with one general ed and one special ed teacher) but it never went further than that. That's the main reason I never mentioned the gym thing. I knew it would get you nowhere. But I did bring up to a para somewhat vaguely I wanted to be in general ed. The para said she thinks I do better in a smaller class. I hadn't been in a class larger than 12 students since pre k. You never know unless you try, right?

iii.                  Denied a voice in your own education

Special ed students are often denied a voice in their education. For example, they will give you a paper with your evaluation (which is a bunch of papers about YOUR performance, behavior, etc.) and tell you "give this to your parents". But to your parents they say "this is a copy of your child's evaluation". This happened in the 8^th grade as they gave me an IEP to give to my mom. The teacher didn't tell me "this is your IEP" and explained what it was. I read the IEP on the school bus entirely. It said I had a "specific learning disability." I was upset. Why didn't anybody tell me that before? I shouldn't have to find out this information on a piece of paper. I was in special ed for 10 years. No one ever spoke to me about it before high school. No one spoke to me about the disability they labeled me with. Even in 11^th grade at the guidance counsellor's office, the counsellor said "you're not disabled". Than why do I have an IEP and a full time para (which I don't need)?

Student's under 18 don't have the ability to withdraw themselves from special ed. They don't have the right to mediation or an impartial hearing if they disagree with the IEP. Schools aren't always right. That's what mediation is for, right? But if your parents don't advocate for you, you're screwed. You only have these rights at 18. But by 18, you're done with school. You're in school for 14 years and have a say for a measly 7% of your education.

The only area a student gets a say in their education is transition. Transition is basically preparing for adult life. The IEP will state how many credits you earned, objectives relating to career and community and career experiences. For example, the IEP might say "Anna wants to become a lawyer" "Jack wants to study graphic design". By law, the schools must take a student's preference into account when writing these goals. Why isn't this required by other parts of the IEP?

Speaking of transition, I had to take a transition assessment when I just started high school. It was a check list and I had to check off what I was interested in. Options I could check of are science, law, marine biology, etc. Sounds great, right? No, no, no. How can a 14 year old know their life's goals? Especially one who just started high school, and is dumb and immature. Then at the end of 10^th grade, the dean called me into her office to complete another transition assessment. Since I was going to the dean's office, my class joked I was in trouble (they knew I wasn't). I had to fill out a paper asking what I want to be. I said I wanted a job "that's too vague" replied the dean. I said I wanted to become a lawyer. 1. I didn't know what I wanted to do at that time. 2. Why should I have to give my career goals to them? This dean was involved in special education and her role was "Special Education Teacher or Related Service Provider" in my IEP team. She is the same person who said "the para is there to protect her in case she says something inappropriate" at the respective IEP meeting.

No one else had to take a transition assessment. How does a transition assessment benefit IEP students in a way that it won't benefit other students? Transition assessments are useless for high functioning students who are capable of transitioning independently.

iv.                  Issues ignored

I had undiagnosed selective mutism. A child with selective mutism only speaks in situations they feel "relaxed". For example, at home I would talk to anyone in my family. I played with girls who lived in my building and I never had an issue talking to them. But at school I was EXTREMELY shy (intentional caps, to convey severity). I would only talk to other students and staff when they spoke to me, otherwise never initiated conversations, not at all, not once, not even to ask to go to the bathroom. I was very afraid to initiate a conversation. 

I refused to do homework during 4th and 5th grade the entire year. When I would come home I was EXTREMELY overwhelmed (again intentional caps). A 6 hour school day was equivalent to a full time work week for an adult for me, or probably worse. So I would come home extremely overwhelmed. This wasn't an issue in the 3rd grade and below and in the begging of 4th grade, but somehow it just suddenly became an issue. Obviously I was punished for being unable to do my homework. Teachers harassed my mom. At one point my dad was called into the school and my teacher made me promise my dad I will do my homework. In 4th grade I was taken to a neurologist who thought I had mild Asperger’s. He said Aspie kids don't understand homework is important. I was even put in after school in 4th grade. I dreaded staying for after school daily, already extremely stressed/burned out from school.

In 6th grade I started doing my homework, though still had selective mutism, which was beginning to decrease. I think going to a different school helped with homework. It had nothing to do with my elementary school, just how my brain worked. I stated a child with selective mutism only speaks in situations they feel "relaxed". Perhaps I was in an environment I didn't feel "relaxed" in or I had anxiety in for 6 hours and was overwhelmed at the end of the day. I think switching school to an environment I feel more "relaxed" helped. In 8th grade the selective mutism was completely gone and in high school I was an extrovert. Why didn't the neurologist figure this out? He's a neurologist.

I don't believe I am autistic. I don't have sensory issues, special interests, difficulty with social interaction. I might have autistic traits.

I also had undiagnosed mixed expressive-receptive language disorder until middle school. This is when a child's ability to understand language is below their IQ. This means a child sometimes doesn't understand what adults are saying. Children with intellectual disabilities can have MERLD as well, but their ability to understand language must be below their IQ. In pre-k I remember not understanding what the teacher said. I wanted cereal but I didn't know how to ask. In kindergarten, my teacher yelled "STOP ----" during circle time. Didn't understand what she said. In 2nd grade my classmate said "I like funny movies". I didn't understand what the word funny meant. In 5th grade I blew up a Ziploc bag and popped it. the dean yelled at me. I didn't understand most of what she said.

Some incidents happened in the 5th grade. A bunch of kids started harassing me so to speak. I harassed them back.  The entire incident started in the lunchroom and could have been prevented. The kids who were getting out of their seat to bother me. The staff could have easily said "Stay in your seat, J." My mom said the school didn't want me to go to middle school with these kids, so I never got a middle school. On the first day of school, my dad emailed the New York City Department of Education titled "Why my child left behind" and said he will complain to George W. Bush if they do nothing. The DOE said to go to XYZ school (read more about it on top).

v.                  Stupid policies in special education

There are dumb policies in special ed. Our middle school also had a policy that paras had to be together. My middle school has a lot of kids in wheelchairs. When we did the fire drill, those kids would stay indoors with their paraprofessionals. Those of us who could walk fine (including me) also had to stay indoors with their paraprofessionals. I asked my para why wasn't I doing the fire drill. The response was “We're together. Me, Ms. X Ms. Y and Ms. Z are together”.

That meant in 6th grade, when my classmate’s para was selling pretzels during lunch at the teacher’s cafeteria, I had to spend the lunch period (after eating for 15 minutes) in the teacher’s cafeteria selling pretzels. The teacher’s cafeteria had a vending machine students were not allowed to use (because it's for staff). So why the heck did they sell pretzels there instead of the lunchroom? Also, if my classmate's para had to be with my classmate during lunch, why did they make her sell pretzels. I hated it. I was being pulled away from social interaction.  If they forced us to sit in the teachers cafeteria, they should  How is this even legal?

There is some weird policy that paras are responsible if anything happens to their student and they weren't watching. Best practices indicate paraprofessional support be reduced, or "faded" as the student makes progress. This policy prevents paras from fading support. In 8^th grade my para said she couldn't leave me alone in gym (the teacher rewarded the class with basketball). I think the rules should depend on the students individual needs, rather than a blanket policy. After all, this is an individualized education program, not a policy informed education program. They don't have part time paras here. You either have a full time para or you don't have a para at all. No taking into account individual needs.

vi.  Riding the school bus

I had to ride the school bus from 6th to 8th grade. I'm pretty sure many of us have a school bus stories. Here is mine. In 6th grade I was always bullied by these two 8th grade boys behind me, including once spilling something on my head. The matron (bus aide) did little to address this, usually just scolding the boys. One of the boys (who bullied me more than the other). Than in 8th grade, after the bus picked up my school, they went to pick up 2 different schools. We had to wait quite some time tediously at the next school. Both schools were a few blocks from mine. Not to mention, I had to leave earlier than my class just to ride the bus. I was missing instructional time.

vii. Being held to lower standards

Special education students are often held to lower standards. For example, there is a debate on whether specialeducation students should take the same standardized tests as theirnon-disabled peers. This implies that special education students are not as capable as their general education peers.

New York State has what is called "Modified Promotion Criteria". This isn't alternate assessment. These kids take the same tests as general education peers, but they get lower promotion standards. As I mentioned I read my IEP on the school bus in 8^th grade. It said Anna is expected to meet 30% of the New York State ELA standards. I never struggled with English and 2 years later I got a 75 on the English regents (enough to avoid remedial classes). The truth is though, ALL students (besides those with significant intellectual disabilities) are capable of meeting the same standards. It isn't OK for a teacher to tell a student "you're dumb because you're in special ed". Yet modified promotion criteria are doing the same thing. Again, unless the student has an intellectual disability, there should be no reason for a student not to meet the standards. All students with learning disabilities are capable of meeting the same standards as their non disabled peers.

Here is a quote from the Promotion Criteria Guidelines for Students with

Disabilities in Grades 3-8 regulation in NYC.                             

While most students with an IEP in grades 3-8, should be held to the standard promotion criteria, there are some students who participate in State and Citywide assessments for whom modifications to these criteria may be necessary due to the nature or severity of their disability. The school CSE determines modified promotion criteria for these students.

Again, unless there is an intellectual disability, there should be no reason the student isn't capable of meeting the state standards. This is just another way of saying special ed kids are dumb.  I often thought I was incapable of doing grade level academic work because of this. No one directly told me "being in special ed makes you less intelligent." But lowered promotion standards, articles that say common core is too hard on special ed kids (which implies special ed students aren't as capable) makes you believe otherwise.

New York State requires students to pass 5 regents exams in order to graduate. However students who get a 55 on one regents AND pass the RCT (an easier test) in the corresponding subject can get a local diploma. In other words, the local diploma allows students to graduate with lower exam scores. This option used to be available to all students. But in 2008, they eliminated this option for general ed students. Can't the graduation requirements be the same for everybody? So either make the local diploma option available to everybody, or make it available to no body.

This reminds me of a situation I had in 5^th grade. My sister was in 3^rd grade and I looked at her homework. We were learning the same things. I knew this wasn't right. Though I don't think it had anything to do with me being in special ed, more to do with the fact that the teaching at the school sucked. Every 2-3 years the DOE conducts a quality review schools. Each school has their own page on the DOE website. Click on "Statistics & Budget" and then click on "Quality Review Report". The quality review report measures if schools provide engaging, rigorous, and coherent curricula in all subjects, and weather there is a positive school culture. This is a great way to improve school. Even in middle school, I could tell which teachers were effective and engaging, and were able to control the class with little effort, and which teachers can't teach, are unengaging and are constantly trying to get the class to behave.